Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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