im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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