So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
