I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
