he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
where are you?
Hypothermia
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
