I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
