You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
