I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
