are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
