i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
