He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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