if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
