Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
