I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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