So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
