And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
