i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
