Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
