...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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