Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
