I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
