Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
