hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
