You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
