What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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