my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
im on a boat
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