Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
