"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
