this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
