how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
