So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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