Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
