Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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