WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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