I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
