Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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