You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
