I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
