Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
