Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
