Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
