i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
