you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
