"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Couch. On fire.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
