We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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