I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
