dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
