he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
