please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
