Define "chronic" masturbator.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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